Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Evangelist, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin?
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Bigot, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does? (See Giaour.) A kind of scoundrel imperfectly reverent of, and niggardly contributory to, divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mullahs, voodoos, presbyters, hierophants, prelates, obeah-men, abbes, nuns, missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hajjis, high-priests, muezzins, Brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders, primates, prebendaries, pilgrims, prophets, imams, beneficiaries, clerks, vicars-choral, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors, preachers, padres, abbesses, calipers, palmers, curates, patriarchs, bonzes, santons, beadsmen, canonesses, residentiaries, diocesans, deans, sub deans, rural deans, Abduls, charm-sellers, archdeacons, hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins, postulants, scribes, gurus, presenters, beadles, fakers, sextons, reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains, mud Joes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas, sacristans, vergers, dervishes, lectors, church wardens, cardinals, prioresses, suffrages, acolytes, rectors, cures, soufis, motifs and pompoms.
– Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Trinity, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one. Subordinate deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually their claims to adoration and propitiation. The Trinity is one of the most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. In rejecting it because it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of theological fundamentals. In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.
– Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
– Ambrose Bierce, the Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
I like the word decadent. All shimmering with purple and gold. It throws out the brilliance of flames and the gleam of precious stones. It is made up of carnal spirit and unhappy flesh and of all the violent splendors of the Lower Empire: it conjures up the paint of courtesans, the sports of the circus, the breath of the tamers of animals, the bounding of wild beasts, the collapse among the flames of races exhausted by the power of feeling, to the invading sound of enemy trumpets. —Paul Verlaine, circa 1886
